JEALOUSY DOES NOT BELONG IN YOUR ARENA: WHAT ACTORS CAN LEARN FROM TEDDY ROOSEVELT

Hey Actors!

It is 8:30 am Thursday 8/20/20. That will be important later.

I want to let you in on a little secret about how things work here at Stage Door Unlocked – a little behind the scenes action, if you will. As a small business owner, I don’t have a ton of extra time. Between coaching sessions, planning sessions, researching repertoire, looking at headshots and resumes, creating the YouTube videos, etc. So, I batch create content and schedule it all out quarterly. That means I write all the blog posts weeks in advance.

Today’s post is not one of those posts. 

The post that was supposed to come out today was about experts and what it means to be an expert. I created that post and didn’t really see how it fit into the overall strategy of what our social media was doing and when I saw it in the whole context of everything else that was posted the last couple of days, I realize it seemed like the post was beating home a point about coaching that I really wasn’t trying to make with the actual writing of that blog. I want the blog to stand on its own as its point is too important. 

Because of this, I am now scrambling to write a new blog post before I start with clients at 9 am. This post is supposed to be live at Noon and until 5 minutes ago I didn’t have a topic to write about today. 

So… let’s talk about jealousy. Specifically jealousy in this industry. 

That’s a tough topic. I know. 

Truth moment: My recent “tirade” (as it was called by a friend) about what it means to be a coach comes down to my reactions to my feelings of frustration because of things that I see happening on social media. I personally get triggered when I see “influencers” selling actors on things that they don’t really need. I get triggered when I see people taking advantage of actors and selling them bad advice OR lying to them. 

I get defensive and I go after these perpetrators like a mother bear protecting her cubs. One of my clients calls me “Papa Bear” for this very reason. 

The more I dug into this issue, the more I started getting angry by the fact that these “influencers” were selling bad advice, taking advantage of naïve actors, and doing it at a time when most actors don’t have money to waste. In an effort to become “famous” or “make money” these people were hurting those at a time when they really needed help. 

Then, I got really mad because I saw the follower counts and like totals on these pages and they were CRAZY HIGH! As someone who invests tons of time into creating content for actors and trying to dispel these myths and trying to make sure that actors get the info, they REALLY need to book work, my numbers are barely a drop in the bucket compared to what these people are getting. I know they are playing the system and doing it to get likes and follows more than to ACTUALLY share information. But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t upset because of it. They had the audience I was trying to reach. They had what I wanted. So, I went on my “tirade.” 

That “tirade” was actually Jealousy rearing its ugly head. 

Jealousy impacts our lives all the time. My story here today is just a small tiny example. We all feel it. We all deal with it. Every time we don’t get an appointment for a project but someone we know (who we don’t think it right for the role) does, we feel that poke of Jealousy. Every time we compare ourselves to others and feel Jealous of what they have that we don’t or opportunities they are getting that we are not, we are doing so much more harm than good. We are stealing from the celebration of what we ARE getting and what we DO have. 

“Comparison is the thief of JOY.” – Theodore Roosevelt

Theodore Roosevelt lived a hard life. We don’t always realize that because he became president – a very well known and loved president. He wasn’t always the “bull moose” that we know from movies like Night at the Museum and musicals like Newsies. In his early days, he faced many many hardships. When he was young, he was a very small and weak little boy. He suffered from extreme asthma and could barely get out of bed without an attack over taking him. There was no way he could be like the other boys growing up around him or in his class at school. 

Yet, he persevered. His father worked with him to develop muscle strength and stamina. He grew stronger. He worked hard. Struggle after struggle, loss after loss, he kept fighting. He grew into the man that so many of us look up to today. That “bull moose” grew out of triumphing over his challenges.

You may feel like your career or your life is like Roosevelt in those early years. It may feel small. It may feel like it is struggling to stay alive. You may feel that others are stronger than you. That others are getting the things you want. That others – maybe less deserving (in your mind) – are getting things that you have worked so hard to achieve. Keep fighting. 

In Roosevelt’s case, he could have compared himself to the boys and could have been angry at them. But, that’s not really what his fight truly was. His fight – deep down – was with himself. His anger was not because they had what he wanted. His anger was because he didn’t have what he wanted. By focusing on what he wanted – not the fact that someone else had what he wanted – he knew how to overcome his limitation. AND grow stronger.

He had to work a heck of a lot harder to get where he wanted to go. He wasn’t built like the other boys. None of it was easy. BUT his work, his dedication paid off. 

People bashed him for how hard he worked. People resented his fight. People hated him and his ambition. It didn’t matter. He knew where he wanted to go and THAT was all that mattered. No one mattered – not those who were critics, nor those who had what he so desperately wanted – no one mattered but Teddy. The only person he needed to focus on was the man looking back at him in the mirror.

One of the things that I reference in sessions with clients a lot is one of Roosevelt’s most famous quotes. It has been made famous as of late – of course – by the great Dr. Brene Brown in her book Daring Greatly. It goes like this: 

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat."

YOU know the work you’ve put in. YOU know how hard the fight has been. YOU are the one doing the work for the worthy cause. 

Many of those you are comparing yourself to are not doing what you are doing. They are not working nearly as hard. They are nothing more than what Roosevelt says in his last lines: “Those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” Don’t let their small and perceived victories distract you from your arena and the fight happening in it. Their victories – no matter how great – are not yours to win. Only you know your fight. Only you can win your fight. 

For me, I will keep fighting my fight. I will ALWAYS be honest with you. I will never waste your time or your money. My fight is to make sure every actor has access to the training and resources they need to make their dreams come true. I don’t need thousands of followers or likes to do that. My fight will be won ONE actor at a time.

You don’t need to be anyone else. You’re you and you know what? 

You’re Awesome. Be Awesome. I’ll see you soon.

Best Wishes! 

-       Nate